I just cut my nipple shaving
one might say we're banned from that church
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
