she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize