nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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