Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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