you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
