Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
