I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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