I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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