I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
