I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
