apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
