i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
