i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
