When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
