New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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