covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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