Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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