ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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