I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
