So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
