i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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