But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
