i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The Olympian is in my bed
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
