A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
