im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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