If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
