im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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