listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
