please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
