You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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