I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
