Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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