Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
