We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
