I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
