yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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