No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
