At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All the doctor said was why
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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