Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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