I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
