He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She's the barista slut.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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