yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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