We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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