1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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