Pants 0. Shit 1.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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