i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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