32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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