Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
