there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
