Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
