What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
