One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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