life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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