great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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