we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
