Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
