Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
