the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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