You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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