hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
