On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
