I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
