the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
