the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
