no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
