"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
