1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
