Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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