Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
